T is not for Titanic, it's for Therapy!
by Horses of Shadow and Night
Summary: The people who died on the Titanic got so messed up in the process that they need some therapy before they can be accepted into heaven. While most passengers get into Heaven without a problem, a select few are forced to stay on the Titanic for multiple therapy sessions. This is their story!
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

Remember the ending of Titanic, of course you do. Well you also probably remember Rose meeting all those people on Titanic after she died and finally being reunited with Jack. Didn't all those people look so happy? Sure half of them probably didn't even know who she was, but they clapped anyway! Now I bet at this point you were thinking "Wow, Heaven is Titanic, isn't that cute?". Well I'm here to tell you ladies and gentlemen that you are WRONG!

Titanic wasn't heaven! Titanic was the waiting room to get into Heaven! A little confused? Don't be! Let me explain, then it will all make sense. You see, on April 12th when all those people died and went up to Heaven, a lot of them had some, mental problems. Dying in such a tragic way tends to mess people up a bit. Now ordinarily, these messed up people would be turned away from Heaven, and that is how ghosts are formed. Ghosts are just people who died in a tragic way, who are seeking some mental help so that can get accepted in.

Unfortunately for the Titanic disaster, so many people died all at the same time, the archangels didn't want to turn them all back because that is a LOT of Ghosts! So, they brought the Titanic into the sky and put all the people there as a 'holding' area. Since the Titanic people had no assess to mortals though to try and get help, the archangels were going to have to perform therapy with them themselves. But there was a problem, most of the people didn't want to go into therapy without their loved ones.

So a statement was put out, that said no person from the Titanic shall be allowed admittance into Heaven until ever single Titanic passenger is on board the therapy boat! So when Rose, the last survivor of the Titanic, finally died! You better believe all those people were excited and happy! They were all like 'Yea! We're finally getting out of here!'.

The people all went through therapy one by one, and most of the common passengers got in almost right away. However, a few souls were forced to stay on the Titanic for a while longer, as they seemed to need some more therapy than could be given in one session. This is the story of those select few, who got so messed up in the head from dying on the Titanic, they actually needed to attend therapy multiple times!


	2. Chapter 2

**Getting to know your co-patients**

_Everyone who has been forced to stay on the Titanic a little longer is gathered in the first class reception room. Chairs have been brought in and set in a circle. The archangel, Cindy, is at the top of the circle. The Titanic passengers mumble and grumble amongst themselves before she finally calls the session to order. _

Cindy: Hello Everyone!

Everyone: Hello Archangel Cindy

Cindy: Today we're all just going to do some exercises so we can all get to know each other a little better. I'd like you each to stand up one at a time, tell the group your name, occupation, and one thing about yourself that you would like to share

*Everybody nods and Cindy turns to the person on her right*

Cindy: Why don't you start us off Mr. Murdoch?

Murdoch: *Standing up* Hello Everyone, my name is William Murdoch

Everybody: Hello William

Murdoch: I'm the ship's first officer, and uh, I didn't shoot myself in the head like everybody says

Cindy: According to my clipboard you did shoot yourself

Murdoch: NO! NO I DIDN'T! JAMES CAMERON LIED!

Cindy: Inside voice Mr. Murdoch. Now calm yourself or I will have to send you to your room for a time-out

Murdoch: *Hangs his head and sits down as the person next to him stands up*

Andrews: Hello everyone. I'm Thomas Andrews

Everybody: Hello Thomas!

Rose: HI DADDY!

Andrews: *Internally groans but smiles kindly on the outside* Rose, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not your father?

Cindy: I'm sorry for her Mr. Andrews, but her mental problems are that she lives in a fantasy and you are her father in that fantasy. Please play along until I fix her

Andrews: Very well then. Hello young daughter Rose

Rose: *Waves happily*

Andrews: Well, moving on. My occupation is shipbuilder, and I'd like to tell you all that meth is a helluva drug *Sits down and smiles proudly*

Cindy: Alright, new rule! We aren't going to talk about death or drugs! NEXT!

Ismay: Greetings, I'm Bruce Ismay

Cindy: First name Bruce...

Ismay: *Sighs sadly and mumbles* Joseph Ismay

Everybody: Hello Joseph

Ismay: I'm the President of the White Star Line and I...

*Suddenly the Murdoch, Wilde, and Moody stand up and throw rocks at him*

Officers: YOU SON OF A BI-...

Cindy: *Stands up* HEY! NO DISRESPECT! NOW APOLOGIZE OR YOU ARE ALL GOING FOR A TIME OUT!

Officers: *Sit down glumly* Sorry Joseph

Ismay: *Sniffling and trying not to try* It's... it's fine. I just wanted to tell you that I... I... *Sobs* I want to go HOME! *Runs out of the room crying*

Cindy: *Pulls out a radio* Yea Duke, Ismay's crying and just ran up towards the boat deck. Be sure to catch him and get him to his room. Make sure he has his teddy bear and his blankie, and DON'T forget to lock the door this time! *Puts the Radio away* Who's next? How about you Mr. Lovejoy?

*People snicker as Lovejoy grumpily stands up*

Lovejoy: *Glares at everyone* My name is Lovejoy, I work for Cal Hockley, and I wish I could have wrung his bloody neck before the ship went down

Cal: *Stands up* WHAT? YOU'RE FIRED YOU ASSHOLE FIRED!

Lovejoy: You can't fire me sir I quit, died, and now in heaven I quit a second time! Now *Pulls out a gun* SIT DOWN YOU STUPID BOY!

Cal: *Sits down obediently*

Lovejoy: I think that's everything Miss Cindy *Sits down*

Cindy: Yes, well uh, remind me to have you visit the anger management ward down on D deck, alright?

Lovejoy: *Rolls his eyes in annoyance and huffs*

Cal: *Stands up* I'M GOING NEXT!

Cindy: No Cal, wait your turn

Cal: NO! I WANT TO GO NEXT!

Cindy: It's Mr. Smith's turn next

Cal: *Pulls out a wad of cash* Is it my turn now?

Cindy: No...

Cal: *Pulls out some more money* How about now?

Cindy: No Cal

Cal: *Falls to the ground and starts throwing a temper tantrum* I WANNA GO RIGHT NOW! NO FAIR NO FAIR!

Cindy: *Waves over some muscular angels that were standing by the door* Temper tantrums get you a time out Mr. Hockley. Maybe you can try again at the next meeting

*Cal gets dragged out of the room kicking, screaming, and crying*

Smith: *Stands up awkwardly* I suppose I should go next. My name is Edward Smith, I am a sea Captain, and I like dogs

Rose: PUPPIES!

Smith: Um, yes, puppies indeed *Sits back down*

Cindy: Thank you Mr. Smith, for being the one one who has been... civilized *Looks over at Moody who is sobbing on Mr. Andrews shoulder while Andrews sits and trembles in his chair, mid-anxiety attack*

Murdoch: You ok Andrews?

Andrews: *Manages to nod* F... F... Fine. J... Just saw a waiter... c... ca... carr... carrying... water. I... it'll... it'll pass!

Murdoch: Why's Moody crying?

Andrews: I... I think... i... it... because... he doesn't... wan... wan... want to... go

Cindy: Would you feel better if you did it sitting down Mr. Moody?

Moody: *Sniffles and shakes his head, hiding his face in Mr. Andrews' jacket*

Cindy: Well that's alright. How about you go next time with Mr. Hockley/

Moody: *Shakes his head*

Cindy: Will you at least consider it?

Moody: *Nods*

Cindy: Very good. Alright Mr. Wilde, how about you go next

Wilde: If I gotta. *Stands up* Hello everybody, my name is Henry Wilde

Everybody: Hello Henry

Jack: *Whispering to Rose* I didn't know he had a first name?

Rose: *Whispering back* I like flowers

Jack: *Swallows and pats her hand* Yea Rose, flowers are pretty

Wilde: I am a ship's officer, and for some reason everybody seems to forget about me. They are always like 'Oh Mr. Murdoch was first officer, and Mr. Lightoller was second officer. And blah blah blah. Nobody gives a damn about the chief officer!

Murdoch: Well how can the ladies resist such devilishly handsome officers?

Wilde: Are you saying I'm ugly?

Murdoch: No, I'm just saying you're not as pretty as me! Besides, you didn't even have any lines in the movie

Wilde: YES I DID! And, if it weren't for my whistle Rose would have died!

Rose: You mean this ol' thing? *Pulls the whistle out of the front of her dress*

Wilde: BESSIE! *Grabs the whistle from her and kisses it* I never thought I'd see you again! *Continues kissing it*

Cindy: That's enough Mr. Wilde, please sit down and put, Bessie, away until the session is over

Wilde: *Sits down grinning like an idiot*

Cindy: Alright. Now, Jack why don't you tell us about yourself. I know you're not here for, mental help exactly, but still you can talk

Jack: Ok *Stands up* Well my name's Jack Dawson

Everybody: Hello Jack!

Lovejoy: *Mutters* Stupid idiot makin my job difficult...

Jack: Well anyway, I don't really have a job, but I like to sketch a little. And unlike you guys, I actually passed my therapy session, I'm just here to help Rose!

Rose: OMG I LOVE YOU JACK!

Jack: Love you too! *Sits down*

Cindy: Rose?

Rose: *Jumps up out of her chair and bounces in place* Hiya Everybody! Hi Daddy Andrews! Hi Captain! Hi Officer dudes! Hi Lovejoy! AND HELLOOOOOO JACK!

Everybody: *Trying to be polite* Hello Rose

Rose: *Squees* OMG You all know my name! Well anyway. Like Jack, I don't have a job! But I don't even draw! Basically I'm a... a... *Pulls out a piece of paper* Tro... phy... wife. Yea! I'm a trophy wife!

Gentlemen: *Snicker*

Rose: And I LIKE PUPPIES! AND KITTIES! AND RAINBOWS! AND JACK! AND UNICORNS! AND JACK! AND... and... uh... Did I say Jack?

Everybody: YES!

Rose: Ok, well I like him. *Sits down*

Cindy: Alright, last person, you've been the best behaved of the bunch Mr. Phillips. Please tell us about yourself

Phillips: *Stands up, his fingers are twitching slightly but he doesn't seem to notice* Alright. Well I'm Jack Phillips

Everybody: Hello Jack

Jack: Hey! Nice name!

Phillips: *Smiles* Thanks! Well anyway, I was a Marconi Operator, and I always wanted a pet goldfish

Murdoch: A goldfish? Why?

Phillips: Because, sometimes it gets very dull and boring sending messages in a white walled room. A goldfish woulda brightened up the place, at least a little.

Cindy: Thank you Mr. Phillips. Now, is that everybody? Splendid! Well it looks like that took much longer than expected, so I'm going to let you all head back to your rooms. I'll expect to see you all here promptly every other day! Understand?

Everybody: Yes Archangel Cindy

Cindy: Good. Now, have a nice rest of the day everybody!Now Mr. Hartley was kind enough to stay on the ship and play the piano, so HARTLEY MA MAN! PLAY US OUT!

_As Mr. Hartley plays some fast paced ragtime music, everybody begins leaving. Murdoch and Wilde manage to pry Moody off of Mr. Andrews and get him back to his room with the promise of Ice Cream and a nice book. Mr. Andrews waits a few minutes until he stops shaking before standing and stumbling back to his room. Jack ends up taking Rose for a couple laps around the deck in order to tire her out so she'll stop bouncing, and Phillips heads to the Marconi room to type out random messages. Finally the last one to leave is Mr. Lovejoy, who is kept behind by Archangel Cindy to have his gun taken away. He also has his room searched and ends up loosing all his other guns. When she leaves with his 'babies', he ends up crying himself to sleep on the floor. _

* * *

**Hey Everybody! This is just a random little fic I came up with. It's not supposed to mean anything, it's just supposed to be dumb. Everybody is out of character, and everything is just, crazy. But generally, here are the problems with the main people I picked and why I picked them. **_  
_

**Murdoch: In the movie he shot himself, and even if he didn't, his death was probably pretty gruesome, nobody really knows for sure, not even he knows. He was also on the bridge when the ship hit the iceberg, so he ended up incredibly messed up in the head after that. His general problem is basically confusion over his death, denial, and he blames himself for the ship sinking. For the most part otherwise, he's probably one of the most sane of the people here.  
**

**Andrews: He had it incredibly rough. He was the first one who found out the ship was sinking, and had to carry that knowledge with him until his death. He doesn't believe he built the ship strong enough, therefore he blames the sinking on himself. Andrews in death has also become prone to anxiety attacks of varying degrees, and has an incredible fear of water, for obvious reasons. Though he has lost a bit of his gentlemanly conduct in death, willing to freely talk about sex and drugs, he's still his kind ol' self, who just wants to get into heaven and be reunited with his wife and little girl. Overall, he is the most well liked passenger on the ship because of his good-nature. He tends to be the one the other passengers turn to when they are feeling upset and don't want to go to the archangels. He has a knack for helping his fellow patients, though afterwards he ends up having some anxiety attacks and strong feelings of guilt, blaming himself for them being so messed up.  
**

**Ismay: Hated til the day he died, in death he still carries all the burdens he had in life. Though he didn't die tragically like most of the others, he still carries plenty of baggage. He has incredibly low self esteem, constantly hating on himself and everything he did in life. He also carries around extreme survivors guilt, crying when people bring up the disaster. Being on the ship has furthered his pain because he believes he should have died on the ship, and he'll often sob and wish to go home, or even anywhere else but the Titanic. He has also become very co-dependent in death, especially on Mr. Andrews, as he had no friends for the rest of his life. Luckily for him, Mr. Andrews enjoys his company enough to indulge him, even believing Ismay helps him with his anxiety sometimes. Ismay tries his hardest to hide his problems, but can turn into a hysterical mess in a matter of moments.  
**

**Lovejoy: Grumpy and violent, he died grimly when the ship broke in half. Lovejoy is still basically the same as he was in live, only even MORE bitter. Most of the archangels believe they'll just have to send him to hell, but they haven't turned him away just yet because he at least tries slightly to be a good person. He is incredibly angry at Cal, and angry at himself for wasting so much time and effort on that 'idiot'. He also hates Jack and Rose, because he died in pursuit of those two when he could have been getting on a lifeboat. He has a strong attachment to his guns, and has no interest in getting close to, or working for, anyone else ever again. For this reason, he is trying to be good, and is making satisfactory progress.  
**

**Cal: He took his own life, and in death has the maturity of a five year old who believes he is entitled to everything. Before everyone else was accepted into heaven, he was famous among the other passengers for throwing temper tantrums and crying when things didn't go this way. For this reason, the first class gentlemen often let him win games of poker to spare the peace in the smoking room. Since he is one of the only people left on the Titanic, Cal continues his temper tantrums, but is even more frustrated because he is lonely. He spends most of the time locked up in his stateroom with a doll he named Dolly, and he often begs the angels to make Dolly real, as he just wants somebody to love him in return.  
**

**Jack Dawson: He has no problems, dying knowing he was saving the girl he loved. He is completely sound in mind. However, he is beginning to slightly losing his sanity trying to keep up with Rose and her strange new personality  
**

**Rose: She died peacefully as an old lady, but for some reason when she ended up in Heaven she turned into a nutcase. Some believe she hit her head on the way up to the Titanic, others just think that she was crazy all her life and it was suppressed until this moment. Whatever the reason, Rose is living in her own strange little fantasy. She's like a Twilight die-hard, only ten times worse. Even the crazy people still on the Titanic with her think she's crazy, and are kind to her mostly out of pity. She has a tendency to say extremely random things that have nothing to do with the situation at hand. Being the only women left on the Titanic, she pretty much gets whatever she wants.  
**

**Wilde: He froze to death in the ocean, or at least that's the story everybody likes to go is. Truth is much like Murdoch he isn't quite sure what happened, and that frustrates him. His entire life was tragic, and he is still haunted by the death of his wife and twin boys. However, he doesn't want anyone to know how frustrated and upset he is about his horrible life, so he basically acts bitter. Like Ismay he suffers from some self esteem problems, but he keeps them back by being in charge of the officers (Often getting them to do things like throw rocks at Ismay) and staying on the Bridge most of the time. He is infamous for skipping his therapy sessions, because he doesn't want to face his feelings.  
**

**Moody: Being the youngest officer on the ship and dying made Moody incredibly fragile in heart and soul. Simply put, he is fearful, of everything. It doesn't help his cause that the other officers and Andrews tend to baby him and let him cry. He is incredibly shy, and doesn't trust anyone besides the officers and Andrews. He refuses to talk about the Titanic, or about himself to the therapists, which has made it incredibly hard on the archangels trying to help him. During Harold Bride's therapy session (Before he was admitted into Heaven), he told the archangels that he'd seen Moody already dead, and he believed he had a head wound. Whether he was shot or not, the therapists are using this to explain his behavior. Much like Andrews, he is prone to anxiety attacks, only his tend to be much much worse than Andrews'. Because they are both anxious, Andrews and Moody have become close friends, and the archangels are hoping to cure Andrews so he might help them cure Moody.  
**

**Jack Phillips: Aside from Murdoch, Jack Phillips is also one of the most sane. However he suffers from extreme guilt and obsessive compulsive disorder. He is constantly fighting the urge to type SOS repeatedly on the telegraph, and even when he is away from the Marconi Equipment he is still tapping away on his lap using his fingers. His guilt causes him to cry and hurt himself in the middle of the night, which is why the archangels have resorted to making him sleep in a padded room have made it a strict rule that he is never allowed to handle sharp objects including dinner knives, razors, scissors, and sharp pencils or pens. In the event he must use one of those objects, he is closely supervised by at least 2 other people. Other than this, his mental health is generally good, which is why he is one of the favorites of the archangels.  
**

**Captain Smith: Captain of the ship responsible for the deaths of over 1500 people is a large burden to bear, and the Captain generally bears it very well. However, along with guilt problems, he is plagued by nightmares, has a terrible fear of ice, and also has mood swings. One minute he'll be himself, the next minute he'll be punching holes through the windows. When he breaks the windows he has to be quickly restrained from punching Mr. Andrews, because he doesn't want him to fix the ship when it's HIS ship and he can do whatever he wants. Because of his mood swings, most of the passengers are pretty afraid of him, as they don't know when he'll be normal or a raving lunatic. In order to keep him from breaking things in the middle of the night, he is also locked in a padded room with no access to sharp objects. Only he can't even use sharp objects under supervision, it's just no sharp objects period!  
**

**There you have it. Please review, and stick around for the next chapter! :D  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Warning: This fanfiction is not like my previous ones. There will be a bit of swearing, so be warned of that. If you don't care, then do carry on then..._**

**Trust Exercises**

_Today everyone has been grouped in the smoking room. The plush chairs are arranged in a circle, and everyone is pretty relaxed except for Moody, who knows he has to go today and isn't happy about it at all.  
_

Cindy: Alright everyone, now we're going to finish up our exercise from the other day. We'll start with Moody!

Moody: *Begins bawling his eyes out* NOOOOoooooooooooooo!

Cindy: Or not. Let's start with Cal then

Cal: *Stands up with his hands in the air like he just won the lottery* YES! *Straightens himself out* Er, I mean. Hello everyone. I'm Caledon Hockley

Everybody: Hello Cal

Cal: My job is being a rich person, and one thing I'd like to tell you all, is that I have more money than you. So Nya Nya!

Lovejoy: *Clutching the knife he has attached to his belt and smirking*

Cindy: Um, very nice Mr. Hockley. Please sit down now

Cal: NO! MAKE ME!

Cindy: Cal, do you want another time out?

Cal: NO!

Cindy: Then sit down please

Cal: NO! You can't make me! Who do you think you are? My mother?

Lovejoy: *Stands up and points the knife at Cal* SIT DOWN YOU LITTLE BITCH!

Cal: *Quickly sits down* Yes sir!

Lovejoy: *Sits down and puts his knife away, looking around the room suspiciously*

Cindy: Lovejoy, I thought we confiscated all those things?

Lovejoy: ... Maybe

Cindy: We'll see to it later just, keep your pointy objects put away!

*Some of the guys start snickering*

Cindy: I DID NOT MEAN THAT!

Lovejoy: So I can keep it out?

Cindy: No!

Murdoch: What about me?

Cindy: What? Why do you have a knife?

Murdoch: No, but that wasn't the pointy object I was talking about

Cindy: *Turning red in the face* How rude!

Phillips: What? I don't get it?

Andrews: *Whispers in his ear*

Phillips: OOOOOOOooooooohhhhhhh! I get it now. So can I have mine out too?

Cindy: Absolutely not! You can't have anything out! NOTHING! Zip! Zero!

Rose: But... what about my boobies?

Cindy: Rose! Put them away!

*All the guys stare in awe at Rose's ridiculously low cut and see through dress*

Jack: I think she looks nice...

Rose: Awwww THANK YOU JACKY POO!

Cindy: Rose, I think you need to go back to your room and change into something more... appropriate

Rose: BUT IT HAS KITTIES ON IT!

Jack: *Nudges Rose and winks at her* Oh Miss Cindy, I'll make sure she changes into something more... appropriate

Cindy: Good! See to it! I don't care! Just please go! You're interrupting my session!

*Jack and Rose leave, making most of the gentlemen incredibly disappointed*

Andrews: You know, Rose has a nice rack, but I still think my wife's was the best I've ever seen

Cindy: Please not here Mr. Andrews...

Andrews: Ah Helen! She had a nice ass too! It was like, PERFECT!

Wilde: That sounds nice...

Cindy: WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION GENTLEMEN!

Smith: I thought my wife was pretty nice... she was especially talented in bed

Ismay: My wife was a complete BITCH!

Everybody: WHO ASKED YOU?

Ismay: *Tries not to cry and clings to his blankie, which he brought with him to the meeting*

Cindy: ORDER! ORDER I SAY! *Grabs Lovejoy's knife and points it in front of her* Next person to mention boobies, ass, or any other inappropriate topics is going for a weeks vacation to LIMBO!

Cal: So how about them condoms?

Cindy: GUARDS!

Cal: What? I'm only advocating for safe sex!

Cindy: No more! No sex, I don't care how safe it is!

Murdoch: But Rose and Jack just went to bonk each others' brains out!

Cindy: Yes I know! It doesn't matter though! MOODY! GET UP AND GIVE YOUR PRESENTATION

Moody: B... B... But...

Cindy: NOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!

Moody: *Jumps up and sobs* Mmmm... Mm... Myyyyy Naaaammmmeee is... is... James... M... M... Moooooddddyyyy!

Everybody: Hello James!

Cindy: *Trying to stay calm, though she wants to stab everybody in the room* Would it make you feel better to have someone else standing up with you?

Moody: *Nods and sniffles*

Andrews: *Stands up beside him* It's alright Moody, deep breaths. Just tell them your job now.

Moody: *Sniffles and wipes his nose on his sleeve* Ships officer?

Andrews: Good. And what's something you'd like to tell everybody

Moody: I don't want to tell them anything...

Cindy: Fine! That's good enough! Sit now! So we can move on with today's activity!

*They both sit down*

Cindy: Now today we're going to be doing some trust exercises

*Lovejoy stands and walks out of the room*

Cindy: Uhhhh, alright then. Well anyway, as I just said, we're doing some trust exercises. So everyone get a partner!

Ismay: *Walks up to Mr. Andrews* Um, Thomas, will you be my partner?

Moody: Nuh uh! He's MY partner!

Andrews: Well actually I haven't said I was anyone's partner yet

Moody: *Starts crying again* But. But I want you to be my partner please, please!

Andrews: Um well-

Ismay: *Also starts crying* No! Thomas please everyone else hates me! Please be my partner

Andrews: Well I-

Moody: Thomas I thought you loved me?

Andrews: I do but-

Ismay: No! I thought you loved ME!

Andrews: *Begins shaking and having an anxiety attack* PLEASE! J... J... Just g... g... go aw... awa... away!

*At this point Murdoch and Wilde have paired together, Captain Smith and Phillips have paired off, and Cal has no partner*

Cindy: Mr. Andrews, have you decided who you're going to be partners with?

Mr. Andrews: *Sits down and continues trembling* N... N... Not... quite!

Moody: I WANT HIM!

Ismay: I SAW HIM FIRST!

Moody: WELL I READ HIS DIARY!

Andrews: W... w... wa... wait... WHAT?

Ismay: I KNEW HIM FIRST!

Andrews: Y... Y... You... kn... know. I... I... I... choose... Hockley!

Cal: WHAT?

Moody: *Sobbing and grabbing Mr. Andrews' jacket* WHAT?

Ismay: *Cries* I knew it! I knew he didn't really like me!

Andrews: B... B... But... Br... Bruce! We... we can... still... b... b... be fre... frie... friends!

Cindy: Alright! Now each pair come forward and take a blindfold

*Each pair comes and takes 1 blindfold*

Cindy: Now, you have to choose which one of you will be blindfolded. There's an icecream buffet at the other end of this ship, whatever team gets to it first, gets first dibs

Cal: But if one of us is blindfolded how do we know where we're going?

Cindy: Ah, that's the exercise! You have to trust your partner will guide you there safely! Good Luck! *She leaves*

Wilde: Well I'm not trusting Murdoch to guide me anywhere!

Murdoch: What? Why not?

Wilde: Because! Last time you were put in charge of guiding something safely we hit and iceburg and DIED!

Murdoch: I told Hichens to turn the damn ship it was his fault!

Wilde: How the hell were you supposed to port around it? That was the stupidest thing I ever heard! You shoulda hit it head on!

Murdoch: Yea because that woulda been better!

Wilde: Well at least you wouldn't have shot yourself!

Murdoch: I DID NOT SHOOT MYSELF! YOU DID!

Wilde: Why the hell would I shoot myself?

*Meanwhile*

Moody: U..Uh... Um... *Holding the blindfold out in front of him like it might attack him or something* I... I think you... you should wear it... Mr. Ismay... s... s... s... sir

Ismay: Why? So you can guide me over the railing of the ship?

Moody: N... N... No sir!

Ismay: LIAR!

Moody: *Bursts into tears* N... N... NoooooooOOooo! I'mmmmm n... not... lying!

Ismay: You're lying about that too! Face it, you hate me! E... Everybody on this ship hates me! I HATE ME!

Moody: *Sobs* I KNOW!

*Meanwhile*

Smith: Alright Phillips, so I'm going to wear the blindfold, because I don't want to be able to see the... the... *Shudders* Ice Cream. When we get there!

Phillips: Yes sir! *Blindfolds him*

Smith: Sparks, where do I go?

Phillips: *Pulls a pencil out of his pocket and starts tapping away on Smith's shoulder*

Smith: What are you doing?

Phillips: I'm telling you where to go sir!

Smith: In Morse code?

Phillips: Of course! That's the only way I know HOW to give directions!

Smith: But I don't know Morse Code

Phillips: ..-./../-./..-/.-./. ../- -/..-/-

Smith: What? What?

*Meanwhile*

Cal: I wanna wear the blindfold

Andrews: Alright *Hands it to him*

Cal: No you put it on me!

Andrews: *Puts it on him* There. Alright you ready?

Cal: I want ice cream!

Andrews: I know, but we have to get there first.

Cal: No I want it now!

Andrews: Ok let's go get it!

Cal: I want it here

Andrews: We can bring it back here if you'd like

Cal: No I don't wanna go. You go get it

Andrews: No Cal, you have to come with me!

Cal: But I can't see!

Andrews: I know, but you have to trust me to get you there

Cal: But I can't see you!

Andrews: Just walk forward Cal

Cal: No

Andrews: Yes

Cal: NO!

Andrews: Yes Cal

Cal: I don't wanna!

Andrews: What if I held your hand and led you there?

Cal: Uhhhh I have to think about it

Andrews: Well think fast or they'll get the ice cream first

Cal: NO NO! *Holds out his hand* GIMME ICE CREAM!

Andrews: Ok here we go *Grabs his hand and begins charging down the ship trying not to scream as he feels an anxiety attack coming on, Cal being dragged helplessly behind him*

*Meanwhile*

Wilde: This is just great, you've gotten us stuck in an elevator. I knew this would happen!

Murdoch: I'm sorry! It's not my fault!

Wilde: You should have been the one blindfolded! I would of just had us take the damn stairs!

Murdoch: Sorry if I didn't want you to fall down the stairs and have an accident!

Wilde: Well we can't just stand here and do nothing

Murdoch: Fine, I will bang on the door and call for help. *Begins banging on the door* MOODY! MOODY! MOODY! MOODY! MOODY!

Moody: I... *Sniffle* I'm in here Mr. Murdoch!

Murdoch: *Spins around to see Moody standing next to a blindfolded Mr. Ismay* MOODY!

Ismay: You got us trapped in the elevator Moody? Incompetent idiot!

Wilde: *Feels around for Ismay, when he finds him he slaps him in the face*

Ismay: OW!

Wilde: You deserved it... dumbass

Murdoch: How does the elevator on the indestructible Titanic get stuck anyway? Someone must have tampered with it

Wilde: No shit Sherlock

Murdoch: It was you!

Wilde: Me? Why would I do this?

Murdoch: Then who did?

Moody: *Sobs and falls into Wilde's chest* I... I doooon't knooooooooow!

Wilde: *Pats his back* There there Moody, we'll get out soon...

Murdoch: *Suddenly realizes* Lovejoy... *Turns to the door and begins yelling* LOVEJOY YOU BLOODY SOD! *Mutters* You will pay... *Begins shouting again* I'LL LOCK YOU IN HERE AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!

Moody: *Shrinks down at the yelling*

Murdoch: Bastard, probably sitting in his room laughing! Thinks he so great! *Begins angrily punching Ismay to vent his anger* DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN

Ismay: *Trying blindly to shield himself from the blows* NO NO NO NO NO!

Wilde: SHUT UP ISMAY!

Ismay: NO!

Murdoch: *Red in the face from the yelling* I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!

*Meanwhile*

Smith: *Running into another wall* Are we even close?

Phillips: *Tapping* .. -/.../../-./-.- .../-

Smith: *Sighs in frustration*

*Meanwhile*

Cal: *Crying over his bloody knee as Andrews sits in the far corner of the room away from the ice cream*

Cindy: You boys won!

Cal: I DON'T TRUST HIM ANYMORE! HE HURT ME!

Andrew: *Trying not to cry* I... I... I'm... so so... sorry!

Cindy: *Hands Cal a bowl of ice cream* Better?

Cal: *Shoveling ice cream into his mouth and getting it all over his face* Mhmmmmm!

*Meanwhile*

Rose: Hi Everybody!

Murdoch: HOW MANY PEOPLE FOLLOWED ME INTO THE ELEVATOR?

*Suddenly the song 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley begins playing absurdly loud as the elevator music*

Wilde: Well at least it can't get any worse!

Ismay: If things aren't worse that means I'm not doing my job!

Wilde: *Smacks him in the head again and knocks him out cold*

Jack: Hey guys, check out this cool thing I found! It's called a vuvuleza!

Moody: *Wails* NOoooooo!

Murdoch: Bloody hell not that annoying thing again!

Jack: *Blares the vuvuleza*

Murdoch: YOU ASSHOLE! YOU BLEW THAT VUVULEZA RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EAR!

Jack: *Blares it again*

Moody: *Falls to the floor in feedle position singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' over and over again*

Wilde: This is ridiculous! I bet nobody is even looking for us! They would have heard us by now!

Murdoch: Somebody will find us! They... they have to find us! We just have to look at the bright side of things. I mean, at least we're all together right?

Rose: APPLE CIDER IS DELICIOUS!

*Meanwhile*

Smith: *Smacking into the doorway, before finally making it into the room with the ice cream* Can I take this off now Sparks?

Phillips: -.-/./...

Cindy: Yes Captain, you can take it off now

Smith: *Takes it off, expecting to see icecream, but instead sees a completely empty table*

Phillips: Where did all the icecream go?

Cindy: *Points to Cal who is eating the last container of icecream. Other eaten containers are scattered around him on the floor*

Smith: Thank the Lord!

Phillips: *Hands his head sadly* I wanted some ice cream... I think I'm gonna go... visit the kitchen. Pick up a few things, then head to my room

Cindy: What are you picking up in the kitchen?

Phillips: Nothing

Cindy: Jack...

Phillips: A knife...

Cindy: For?

Phillips: To cut myself

Cindy: Jack I think you need to go take your anti-depressants

Phillips: *Trudging off* Mkay

Cindy: I wonder where everyone else went to *Suddenly her watch beeps* Oh! Yes! Time for my soap operas! Great session everybody! *She leaves*

*That Night, in the elevator*

Murdoch: *Trying to talk over the music and everybody arguing* I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE! *Curls up on the floor next to Moody, closing his eyes and covering his ears*

Jack: *Blares his vuvuzela*

Rose: *Singing* I LIKE WAFFLES! I LIKE WAFFLES! YA I DO!

Ismay: *Rubbing the spot on his head where he got hit and mumbling to himself* There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home

Wilde: *Shouting at jack to stop playing his vuvuzela*

Moody: *Sobbing uncontrollably, still in feedle position*

_And so Cal went to bed with a tummy ache that night from all the icecream, Captain Smith went to his cabin relieved he had avoided an ice catastrophe, Phillips went to the Marconi room to type Morse code all night, and Mr. Andrews finally got over his panic attack. The next morning he would free everyone that was stranded in the elevator, but until then, they continued to harass each other until they all passed out on the floor from complete and utter exhaustion. _

* * *

**If you haven't noticed, this fic is going to be a LOT different from my usual ones. There will be swearing and stuff. But I don't exactly think that's a problem. Will try to get the next chapter up asap, but keep in mind I'm sorta typing these up in my spare time. I have school to think about!  
**

**The elevator thing is actually from a youtube video, if you can tell me where I got all that from, you win a free virtual cookie!  
**

**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! Adios!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Facing Fears**

*Everyone is standing in a line wearing blindfolds. All of them were ordered to wear swimsuits, and though many in the group were incredibly uneasy about this, they did as they were told. They now unknowingly stand on the edge of Titanic's saltwater pool*

Cindy: Now everyone, it has come to my attention that many of you have begun to stink pretty badly. After inquiring with some of your caretakers as to the reasons behind this, they told me it is because you refuse to take a shower. Does anyone care to explain WHY you refuse to take a shower?

Moody: *Stuttering in fear* N... N... N... N... No... Reason

Smith: Haven't the foggiest idea...

Andrews: *Swallowing nervously and trembling* I'm scared of water

Cindy: Ah, there's the right answer. Thank you for your honesty Thomas. Now, I've decided it is completely unacceptable for you to have this irrational fear of water-

Murdoch: Uh, 'scuse me? Yea uh, I think you're forgetting most of us DIED in the middle of the ocean! Our fear is not irrational!

Wilde: I agree!

*Everyone else murmurs their agreement as well*

Cindy: Shut it Murdoch. Or you go first

Murdoch: Go first for what?

Cal: NO NO! I WANT TO GO FIRST!

Cindy: Actually you know, it just occurred to me that this should be done simultaneously.

Rose: Pumpernickel?

Jack: Fish

Rose: Paper Clip!

Jack: Ink

Rose: BIRD!

Jack: SHAMPOO!

Cindy: WILL YOU TWO STOP IT?

Phillips: What are you doin Jack?

Jack: Well I figured if I can't beat her, join her. I call it the random word game. It's pretty hard to keep up with her!

Wilde: It sounds like a stupid game

Moody: ... C... C... Can I play?

Rose: Elephant!

Cindy: Enough of that! Now, on the count of three, your activity starts. Ready? One...

Ismay: Can I go to the bathroom?

Cindy: Two...

Cal: Wait, what's the activity?

Cindy: THREE!

*On the count of three, everybody is shoved into the pool and a wall is put up around the pool so nobody can get out*

Murdoch: *Stands in the water and rips sis blindfold off* DAMN YOU WOMAN!

Wilde: *Standing up and taking his blindfold off, looking around the pool* Will, I think we're going to have some problems!

Murdoch: What?

Wilde: *Points to the various people in the water. Rose is lying on her back, still wearing her blindfold, spitting water like a fountain while Jack encourages her to spit harder because she's doing it like a girl. Smith is standing in the water with Lovejoy, both of them with their blindfolds off and looking very irritated, Cal is in the corner splashing Mr. Ismay, and Moody is sitting on Mr. Andrews' shoulders crying. Phillips is just looking at the walls in contemplation*

Cal: Ha Ha!

Ismay: STOP SPLASHING ME YOU RUFFIAN!

Cal: No! I have more money than you do!

Ismay: You most certainly do not!

Cal: *Starting to throw a temper tantrum and splashing more water at Ismay* NO NO! I HAVE MORE MONEY!

Ismay: Ok Ok! You can have more money! *Wading through the water trying to get away from Cal*

Smith: Well at least there is no ice in the pool, this water isn't too bad

Lovejoy: I still would have enjoyed not getting wet

Smith: Indeed

Moody: *Sobbing* Geeetttt Meeeee Oooouuuuuutttt!

Andrews: S... S... S... Sor... Sor... S... Sorr... Sorry... I... I... I... C... Ca... Ca... Can... Can't... M... M... M... Moody

Murdoch: Hey Andrews, you alright?

Andrews: Ye... Y... Yes... qu... quite... al... a... a... alright...

Wilde: Well we need to find a way to get out of this water

Phillips: How do you expect to do that? Look at these walls! They're huge!

Smith: This doesn't seem like a very effective way to quell someone's fear of water

Jack: Well I suggest you do something before Moody drowns Mr. Andrews

Rose: BLUEBERRIES!

Cal: Lovejoy! Give me a piggy back ride!

Lovejoy: Absolutely not have you gone mad?

Cal: No!

Lovejoy: Cal, I'm not giving you a piggy back ride!

Cal: Give me one now!

Lovejoy: No, as you like to say, you can't make me

Cal: *Splashes him* GIVE ME A RIDE RIGHT NOW!

Lovejoy: No! You'll throw out my back!

Cal: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW W! *Starts pounding the water with his fists*

Phillips: What if we tied our clothing together and used it as a rope to climb out?

Jack: I like that idea! Let's start with Rose's swimsuit!

Ismay: NO! That is indecent!

Wilde: Oh who cares about what you think?

Smith: No no, if we strip the lass of her clothing now, we'll be too distracted to fashion the rope properly and it might break. Let's start with our swimwear first

Murdoch: No! I like my swimsuit! It's slimming!

Smith: We all must make sacrifices.

*Murdoch and Wilde both grumble and hand over their bathing suits, Phillips hands over his as well*

Smith: Now we just need Moody's suit...

*Everyone looks in Moody's direction*

Moody: *Thrashing in the water* Help! HELP! I'M DROWNING I'M DROWNING I'M DROWNING!

Jack: Just stand up man!

Moody: *Slipping under the water* I HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!

Wilde: *Rushes over to Moody and tries to help him up* Moody! Just stand up! You're alright!

Moody: It's eating me! It's sucking me down! Henry heeeelp!

Murdoch: *Joins Wilde in helping Moody* Come on now James, it's alright. Look see, you can touch the bottom

Moody: *Sniffles and stands in the water* ... Oh... I... I can?

Wilde: See? The water won't hurt you. It's nice? Pet the nice water?

Moody: *Petting the top of the water* Nice water... good water...

Murdoch: Take some deep breaths, you think you're alright?

Moody: ... Y... Y... Yes...

Ismay: I hate to spoil things, but where is Mr. Andrews?

*Suddenly everybody beings looking around*

Moody: *Begins wailing* THOMAS!

Wilde: Found Him! *Dives under and pulls Andrews out of the water*

Lovejoy: Poor sod, must have fainted from his fear of the water

Phillips: WELL THIS BLOODY ACTIVITY HELPED HIM DIDN'T IT?

Smith: Just hold him above the water for now Henry, I've almost got the rope ready and we'll escape

Wilde: *Patting Andrews' back trying to get him to breath. Suddenly he hacks up a large amount of water and begins gasping for air* I'm on it!

Jack: How are we supposed to secure it up there?

Murdoch: Well someone's gonna need to climb

Ismay: Or we could boost someone up there... *Holds his arms above his head, waiting to be struck*

Smith: That actually isn't such a bad idea! Who's the lightest person

*All eyes fall on Rose*

Rose: Cream Corn!

Jack: Rose, listen, you gotta do this for me alright?

Rose: Oh Jacky poo, I'll do anything for you

Jack: Yea please don't rhyme...

Rose: *Cutting him off* Near far, where ever you are, I believe that the heart does... GO ON!

Jack: Yea that's great Rose now just come over here and get on my shoulders

Rose: Oh? Are we playing a game?

Ismay: YES! Yes it's a game!

Murdoch: The best game every!

Rose: Oh Oh! I wanna play!

Smith: Excellent! Then step right on up! Here, Lovejoy's the tallest...

Lovejoy: Absolutely not! I wouldn't touch that mental whore with a ten foot pole!

Smith: Alright, Murdoch, you're the tallest! Get her up on your shoulders!

*After much struggling, they finally get Rose standing on Murdoch's shoulders

Murdoch: *Cringing* Can we hurry this up? Her heels are digging into my back!

Smith: *Handing the rope up to Rose* Alright, just get to the top of that wall and hold this nice and tight, tie is somewhere so it's secure. Then we're going to climb out. Now if any of us fall, you lose the game. Alright?

Rose: *Saluting him and nearly toppling over* Yes yer honor!

*They push Rose to the top of the wall and she secures the rope*

Rose: Umbrella Birds!

Jack: I think that means it's safe to climb!

Rose: DUMBLEDORE!

Smith: Right. Ismay! You go first!

Ismay: Me? Why me?

Smith: Because if it isn't secured we don't care if you break your neck. Now climb!

Ismay: *Shaking* I... I... I'm not sure I...

Murdoch: CLIMB YOU BASTARD CLIMB!

Ismay: *Scrambles up the rope like a squirrel and flings himself over the wall, landing with a thud on the other side* I'M OK!

Lovejoy: WE DON'T CARE! Now get out of my way, I'm going next *Climbs up over the wall and hops down on the other side. Once he's on solid ground, he grabs a towel and storms out of the room furiously*

Smith: Jack, you best go next

Jack: Got it! *Climbs up and helps Rose, who is still perched on top of the wall, climb down the other side*

Phillips: How are we supposed to get Andrews out of here?

Smith: One person at a time. I believe Moody's going to need some help. Phillips, you climb ahead. Will and Henry will get these two up the wall, and you'll receive them on the other side. Understand?

Phillips: Yep! *Climbs up the wall and lowers himself down on the other side, waiting for Murdoch and Moody

Murdoch: *Coaxing Moody towards the wall* You can do this James, just stay calm, deep breaths

Moody: I'm scared!

Murdoch: I'll be right behind you the entire time, don't worry! Just don't look down, keep climbing!

Moody: Alright... *Starts climbing slowly*

Murdoch: You're doing great Moody, keep climbing

Moody: *Chanting under his breath* I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Murdoch: Almost there James!

Moody: *Reaches the top* I MADE IT! *Looks down and screams in fear* WILL!

Murdoch: I'm right behind you, look Phillips is gonna catch you. Just lower yourself down he'll be right there!

Moody: I'm scared!

Murdoch: He won't hurt you! He's nice? See?

Phillips: Hi James! Come on, the solid ground is wonderful!

Moody: *Leaps off the wall and lands on top of Phillips*

Phillips: *Cries out* MY BACK!

Moody: I'M ALIVE!

Smith: Cal, get out of the water

Cal: No, I like it in here!

Smith: Cal, I said get out of the water

Cal: Make me...

Smith: *Turns red in the face* YOU GOD DAMN LITTLE BRAT YOU GET YOUR ASS UP THAT WALL!

Cal: NO!

Smith: *Chases Cal around the pool and punches him in the face, giving him a black eye* GET UP THERE NOW!

Cal: *Sobbing* NO! No I don't wanna!

Smith: *Punches the wall so hard he breaks his hand* GET UP THERE NOW OR I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER BLACK EYE!

Cal: *Scrambles up the wall in terror*

Smith: *Calm once again* Now then, I believe the last challenge is to get Mr. Andrews up over that wall. I'm afraid I cannot help you, as I seem to have broken my hand

Wilde: Yes I see that sir

Smith: Do you think you can get him up over the wall?

Wilde: I believe I'm strong enough sir

Smith: Very good. *Climbs up over the wall and hops down on the other side, cradling his injured hand*

Wilde: *Shaking Mr. Andrews* Come on man, just wake up for a moment, please? No? Alright then, looks like it's all up to me. Typical, making me do everything. I better get some credit for this or something! *Manages to get himself up the wall with Andrews over his shoulder. Finally everyone is on solid ground*

Murdoch: We made it!

*Everyone has a brief moment of celebration*

Cindy: *Walks into the room eating a packet of M&Ms. She stares at the group in shock* You weren't... you weren't supposed to get out of the pool

Murdoch: Damn right we had to get out of that pool! Look what's happened to us! The Captain's hand is broken and Mr. Andrews almost drowned a second time! What kind of activity is this?

Cindy: I believe today's session is over, ok bye *Runs out of the room*

Wilde: *Muttering under his breath* Useless little wench

Rose: Hi I'm Pinkie Pie!

Jack: Yea I think it's time to go back to our cabin, say goodbye to everyone Rose

Rose: GOODBYE LEPRECHAUN MEN!

Everyone: Goodbye Rose!

*Jack and Rose leave*

Phillips: I think I'm gonna go... send some telegraphs... and then I'm going to send another telegraph... to my mum *Walks out of the room, almost in a daze of sorts*

Smith: I think I best go get my hand looked at. Will you officers be alright?

Officers: *Nod*

Smith: Alright then. *He leaves*

Cal: *Stays frozen in place until he is sure the Captain is gone, before racing out of the room with his hand covering his black eye* I'M UGLY! I'M UGLY! I NEED A CASH-PACK! STAT!

Moody: *Sniffles* Mr. Andrews always reads me a story before my nappy...

Wilde: I'm sorry James, I don't think he can read you a story

Ismay: *Clears his throat and wrings his hands nervously* Moody, if it would make you feel a little better, perhaps maybe... maybe I could... could read you a story?

Moody: I don't know...

Ismay: I worked very closely with Thomas... so I know him well. You can trust me

Moody: *Takes Ismay's hand* Ok, as long as you read me the story about the princess and the pea, that's my favorite

Ismay: Alright, if that's the story you wish, then you will have it

*They walk out*

Wilde: Will, any luck?

Murdoch: No, he's out cold

Wilde: Well we best get him to his room then

Murdoch: Right

*They carry him to his room and put him on his bed, just as they're about to leave he wakes up*

Andrews: *Sits up* Aaaah! My head

Murdoch: Take it easy man, you had a bit of a scare

Andrews: I can't remember... all I remember was... *Shudders* water as fall as the eye could see *Suddenly notices Murdoch and Wilde aren't wearing their bathing suits* Bloody hell, what happens to your clothes?

Wilde: Don't worry about it Thomas, it's all over now

Andrews: You're standing in my room naked? And dripping wet with... *his eyes widen* WATER!

Murdoch: No no, relax, it's alright. There's no more water!

Andrews: DON'T SAY SUCH A WICKED WORD! NOW GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!

Wilde: But you just...

Andrews: No! Don't say it anymore... Oh I'm not going to be able to sleep for a week *Begins to cry slightly*

Murdoch: I think we should go... Bye Thomas

Wilde: Yea, see ya

Andrews: *Begins sobbing but manages to wave them off* Byyyyyyeeee!

_Lovejoy went into his cabin and locked the door, refusing to open it for anyone, Captain Smith got his hand put in a cast and isn't allowed to use his hand for 3 weeks, Phillips went to the Marconi Equipment to tell all the other heavenly ships about his adventures in the pool, Jack and Rose decided to take their wet clothes off and have a naked party, Ismay read Moody his story and got him to go to sleep before going into his own room and taking a nap, Cal filled his bathtub with money and jumped in it, scrubbing his black eye with the money in an attempt to cure it, Wilde went to the bridge with Murdoch and discussed how ridiculous the session was, and eventually one of the nurses had to come sedate poor Mr. Andrews because his anxiety attack caused him to start banging his head against a wall in an attempt to 'rid himself of the mental image of water'. Cindy has decided she is going to need to have a one on one session with Mr. Andrews in order to conquer his fear of water_

* * *

**Poor Mr. Andrews. His fear of water is actually inspired by a conversation I had with a ouija board. A spirit on the ouija board claimed to be Mr. Andrews, and whether he was or not, we very much enjoyed talking to him. He admitted to us that he was absolutely terrified of water, and so that's why poor Thomas is so scared of the water.  
**

**Next chapter should be coming out this weekend. I'd like to have it out by then, because apparently there's some sort of monster storm coming, and I might end up losing power for a long while. Hopefully not though!  
**

**Any ideas guys? I'm always open to them! btw, congrats to the guest for guessing the video. VIRTUAL COOKIES FOR YOU! They're chocolate chip, classic ;)  
**

**Please don't forget to review, and THANKS FOR READING!  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Crazy Weather we're having eh?**

_Wilde and Murdoch are on the bridge together, trying to keep the ship steady. Somehow they've managed to steer the ship right into a hurricane, and now the storm seems to be staying on top of them.  
_

Murdoch: You idiot, I told you to turn portside!

Wilde: Yea, and last time you gave that order we hit an iceburg

Murdoch: Shut up you bloody sod! Look what mess YOU'VE gotten us into!

Wilde: Me? Well... yes it probably was me, I guess I can't do anything right

Murdoch: Now that we've cleared up the fact that neither of us should be in command of this vessel, WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO?

Wilde: Perhaps we should tell the Captain?

Murdoch: No! He can't do anything about it, his hand is still broken, remember?

Wilde: What about Moody?

Murdoch: Oh, we shouldn't drag the poor lad here and scare him. Mr. Andrews already has his hands full keeping him calm

Wilde: Well what about... uh... um... Phillips?

Murdoch: What's he going to do? He's absolutely useless!

Phillips: *Walking in* What was that?

Murdoch: N... Nothing

Wilde: What brings you up here?

Phillips: I just came to tell you that the power throughout the entire ship has been knocked out

Wilde: What?

Phillips: Well haven't you two noticed you're standing in the dark?

Murdoch: We didn't have the lights on so it was easier to see outside...

Phillips: Whatever. All I can tell you is that you should be expecting to hear some screaming in *He looks at his pocket watch* Three... Two... One...

*Suddenly a high pitched wail is heard from somewhere inside the ship*

Wilde: That sounded like Moody

Murdoch: Bloody hell! He's scared of the dark!

Phillips: He's scared of everything!

Ismay: *Coming in* What's the meaning of this? How did we get into a hurricane?

Murdoch: *Points at Wilde*

Wilde: *Points at Murdoch*

Phillips: *Points at Ismay*

Ismay: Me? This isn't my fault!

Smith: *Walking in* Yes Ismay, everything that happens to this ship is your fault

Ismay: *Choking up* But... But... I wasn't... I didn't... I mean...

Smith: *Slaps him with his good hand* Stop your blubbering and act like a man! Mr. Murdoch!

Murdoch: Yes sir?

Smith: What are you doing right now?

Murdoch: Thinking...

Smith: Well think me up a cup of coffee and some of those little donuts with the sprinkles on top, mkay?

Murdoch: Sir?

Smith: *Suddenly getting angry* NOW! GET ME COFFEE AND DONUTS NOW!

Murdoch: Yes sir! Right away sir! *Smacks into the doorframe on the way out, then runs into Jack who is coming in, then finally manages to get off the bridge*

Jack: Hey, what's the deal with the power?

Rose: Cookies!

Smith: No Rose, donuts

Wilde: It seems we're in a storm and the power has been knocked out

Jack: Will it come back? I'm a little cold!

Rose: Iceberg!

Smith: *Has a spazz attack* WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?

Wilde: Gripping the steering wheel and spinning it wildly back and forth

Phillips: *Starts frantically tapping SOS and CQD on the wall*

Jack: DON'T EVER LET GO ROSE!

Ismay: Hey! Hey! I think it was false alarm!

*Everyone lets out a sigh of relief*

Wilde: Don't do that again!

Rose: Waffle House Hat!

Smith: Perhaps we should stop the engines just in case...

Wilde: Yes sir!

*They stop the engines*

Phillips: I think we should expect to see Andrews up here in *Pulls out his pocket watch again* Three... Two... One...

Andrews: *Bursts into the room* WHY HAVE THE ENGINES STOPPED?

Moody: *Comes in behind him sobbing* Who turned out the lights! I'm scared of the dark!

Smith: Don't worry Andrews, we just stopped the engines as a precaution

Andrews: Well... Well... I'm going down below to check anyway! *Runs out, leaving Moody on the bridge*

Moody: *Wails* I WANT THE LIGHTS BACK!

Murdoch: I got the coffee and donuts! And check it out, I found this nifty board game too! And a lantern!

Jack: What's it called?

Murdoch: *Sets the food down and holds the board game close to his face* Dogopoly...

Phillips: That sounds interesting

Cal: I WANNA PLAY!

Wilde: When the hell did you get here?

Cal: Just now, I got a little lost because it got dark. And Lovejoy didn't want to help me

Smith: Where is Lovejoy?

Cal: He's in his room with all his weapons. *Sniffle* He loves them more than me

Ismay: Well don't worry, we can all just play this board game and feel better!

Murdoch: There aren't enough pieces for all of us to play!

Phillips: We could make teams?

*5 hours later, the donuts and coffee are almost gone, the storm is still raging on, and Andrews still hasn't returned. Everybody is on the floor sitting around the Dogopoly board*

Jack: Come on Rose! You've only bought the Yorkshire Terrier! And that was over an hour ago!

Rose: Puppies!

Smith: Come on Phillips, All we need is the Akita and we'll have all the strongest dogs!

Phillips: I'm trying I'm trying! I keep rolling past it though!

Wilde: Well I don't know about you, but I think Will and I are doing the best. We've got Bones on all 9 of our dogs, as well as the mutts and the helping dogs.

Murdoch: Scratch that, now we've got a bone on the celebrity dogs as well!

Cal: I have more money than you all though!

Smith: Cal, you and Moody went bankrupt a half hour ago!

Cal: *Laughs* Silly, me go bankrupt? That's impossible!

Ismay: Not exactly, as the banker I have to inform you that you have indeed gone bankrupt!

Cal: Oh yea? Well how are you doing in the game! You don't even have a partner!

Ismay: No, but much like with he White Star Line I have a decent group of dogs here that make me a profit, and 1 powerhouse

Smith: What powerhouse?

Ismay: Well it appears I've just bought the Akita!

Smith: *Slams his good fist* CURSE YOU BRUCE ISMAY!

Andrews: *Walks in the room, huffing and puffing* I... I just searched... every inch of this ship... *Wheezes* not a scratch

Jack: Cool, why don't you take a load off now? We're playing Dogopoly!

Andrews: *Takes a donut and sits next to Ismay*

*2 more hours later, Jack and Rose went bankrupt but took over for Murdoch and Wilde who wanted to start the engines again and attempt to get out of the storm, Cal and Moody gave up on the game and are both napping in the corner, Smith is still sour over Ismay buying the Akita, and Phillips and Andrews have lost interest in the game entirely*

Phillips: I think this lantern is dying

Andrews: And this game is a bore anyway

Smith: No! It's not a bore! I will win this, this, this Dogopoly!

Jack: No way man, I won tickets to the Titanic via a poker game, I can win this stupid game!

Rose: Lollipop!

Ismay: Can you boys get this ship to stop rocking! I'm starting to feel a bit sea sick!

Murdoch: We're trying! We're trying!

Wilde: What the hell is that! *Points as a cow flies past the bridge*

Andrews: *Stands up and joins them* We got cows!

Cow: Moooooo! *Flies past*

Andrews: Another cow...

Murdoch: Actually I think that was the same one

Andrews: What kind of storm is this? Next thing you know it'll be raining cats and dogs!

*Suddenly there's a flash of lightning and cats and dogs begin falling from the sky*

Smith: Holy Shit!

Rose: PUPPIES AND KITTIES! YAY!

Ismay: *Jumps* Eh! That's a rabid raccoon!

*They chase all the animals out and board up the bridge*

Phillips: That was stupid! Don't say anything else Mr. Andrews!

Andrews: Oh what else could possibly happen?

*Suddenly a huge gust of wind and rain comes and blows their boards off, letting the weather come in. Dogopoly is ruined by the rain before being blown out the door*

Wilde: Perhaps it would be safer for everyone in the wheelhouse?

*Everybody runs into the wheelhouse except for Murdoch and Wilde*

Phillips: They better get us out of this bloody storm soon!

Moody: *Crying after being woken up* I'm SCARED!

Andrews: *Patting Moody* Don't be upset James, it's alright

Moody: No it's not! We're gonna die!

Ismay: Does anyone have a bucket? *Vomits in the corner* Nevermind!

Smith: Oh really, I died in here you know!

Ismay: *Vomits again* I'm so sorry!

Jack: What the hell kind of freak storm is this anyway?

Rose: Hover Cars!

Andrews: Oh young Rose, there is no such thing as hover cars!

Rose: Yes of course there is Daddy!

Andrews: *Rubbing his temples* I think I'm getting a migraine. And I feel an anxiety attack coming on...

*Suddenly the storm vanishes into thin air, the sky is crystal clear with lots of stars, and the sea is perfectly calm, and the power comes back on*

Smith: That's it? ... WHAT THE FU-

Jack: I think Rose and I are gonna go back to our stateroom now! Goodbye everyone! *They leave*

Ismay: *Still vomiting* Mooooommmmyyyyyy!

Andrews: Oh Bruce, I'll help you. Come along Moody!

Moody: *Sniffles but trails behind Andrews as he escorts Ismay back to his stateroom*

Smith: *Walks back to the bridge where Wilde and Murdoch are standing, soaked to the skin* Uh, if you won't be needing me anymore I shall be returning to my stateroom. Make sure to wipe up the wheelhouse before I return

Wilde: *Shivering* Y... Y... Yes sir!

Murdoch: *Through chattering teeth* R... R... R... Right away sir

Smith: *Leaves*

Phillips: Have fun cleaning that up! I'm going back to send some messages to Cape Race *Follows behind the Captain*

Cal: MONEY! *Runs out in search of the Dogopoly money that got blown out of the bridge*

Murdoch: Well this is just perfect!

Wilde: I'm cold...

Murdoch: I'm cold too

Wilde: We could... we could hug and share body heat?

Murdoch: I'd rather freeze

*Long silence*

Murdoch: On second though I don't want to freeze again

Wilde: *Tearing up slightly* I don't either!

*They hug*

Wilde: Uh, Will?

Murdoch: Yea?

Wilde: I think we're stuck

Murdoch: Stuck?

Wilde: I think the water has frozen and caused us to stick together...

Murdoch: Shit!

_And so the Titanic and its passengers made it through the freak storm. But it left us with many questions. What happened to the Dogopoly board? What was Lovejoy doing all alone in his room? Where the heck was Cindy when we needed her? How did the Titanic run into a hurricane when it sails ABOVE the clouds? And most importantly, what are Will and Henry going to do to get unstuck? These questions, in all likelihood, will never, EVER be answered._

* * *

**This chapter was inspired by the fact that there's a hurricane a coming! And there about a 99.****9% chance it's going to knock out the power. Which means, I will not be able to update for up to a week. Still, that's no reason not to review right? So please review, and THANKS FOR READING! What? Did you expect me to say more? Sorry...**_  
_


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanksgiving on the Titanic  
**

_Today our favorite Titanic passengers are all sitting around a neatly made table in first class. The Titanic band has volunteered to come and play in the corner led by Mr. Hartley. Cindy is trying to lead the group in a festive Thanksgiving celebration. Her attempts are failing miserably and many at the table are incredibly bored and would rather go watch a movie or something. _

Rose: Muffins!

Jack: That's right Rose! Muffin! *Takes a bite out of his blueberry muffin*

Lovejoy: Has anyone here heard of what this strange company is? Disney?

Smith: I haven't the foggiest

Murdoch: Well there are a lot of weird movies by them in the pile over there. You know, movies that are probably way more interesting than this stupid dinner

Wilde: How do you know?

Murdoch: I can see them from here and they look interesting.

Smith: Well don't just sit there, Sing them to me boy!

Murdoch: *Singing very off key with no rhythm what so ever* A mooovie with a deeeer on the coooover aaaand a mooovie with a bunch of straaange people in froooooont of a cccciiiiittyyy that's on fiiiiiiiire and explooooooding. Aaaaaalso a moooooooovie with a whiiiiite hoooooorse oooon it!

Phillips: These movies really DO sound utterly interesting

Andrews: I'm not quite sure how I feel about them to be honest. I think I'd prefer if we just had a quiet Thanksgiving celebration

Ismay: What does it matter to you Thomas? We're British, or Irish in your case

Everybody: SHUT UP BRUCE!

Ismay: *Holds back and sob and starts playing with his hands quietly*

Moody: *Starts crying because they yelled*

Wilde: Don't worry James, I'll take you to McDonalds, everything will be ok

Cindy: How did you find out about that?

Wilde: What? There's a McDonalds in the second class dining room! And a subway, and a pizza hut!

Andrews: Ooooooh, pizza hut!

Murdoch: Where did you think I got the coffee and donuts from? I got them at the dunkin donuts!

Cindy: Well nobody is going to any fast food today! We're eating Thanksgiving dinner together as a family

Lovejoy: But I'm not related to any of these imbeciles

Cal: *Is playing with the napkin on his plate, looks up when Lovejoy says imbeciles* What? I am not!

Lovejoy: Are too!

Cal: AM NOT! CINDY TELL HIM TO STOP BEING MEAN!

Cindy: Lovejoy, let's be respectful today

Cal: I'm hungry! Where's my food!

Smith: *Slams his fist on the table and breaks one of the china plates* SHUT UP YOU MEWLING QUIM IT WILL GET HERE WHEN IT GETS HERE!

Rose: *Gasps* Captain! That's a terrible thing to say!

Jack: Rose?

Andrews: Did she just say something intellectual?

Rose: Why are you all staring at me so strangely?

Cindy: Rose, what is 2 plus 2?

Rose: Four of course. What's the matter?

Jack: IT'S A MIRACLE!

Phillips: Bloody hell! Smith's insult must have been so bad it snapped her out of looneyville!

Jack: Hell then! We don't need to stay here anymore! Come on Rose!

Rose: Wait why? Aren't we about to eat Thanksgiving dinner?

Jack: Forget that! Let's get some burger king or something good! Live on the edge!

Rose: Oh Jack, you're SO romantic!

Jack: I know right? Let's go!

*They both run out of the room, Cindy chases after them*

Cindy: WAIT! YOU HAVE TO SIGN OUT AND TAKE THE SANITY TEST!

*They leave*

Murdoch: Well this is just perfect! I'm not going to get my movie and I'm not even going to get any food!

Ismay: At least we're together though, right?

Wilde: *Throws a garlic roll across the table and hit Ismay in the head*

Moody: What's a... what's a 'mewling quim' anyway?

Phillips: I don't know, apparently it's very bad. Isn't it captain?

Smith: *Calmed down* Why yes, it's quite an insult indeed

Lovejoy: Indeed.

Wilde: But what does it mean exactly? Cal?

Cal: *Sniffling and blowing his nose in a napkin* He's very mean!

Murdoch: Yes but what does it mean?

Andrews: *Smirking at the end of the table* I know what it means

Moody: *Hopeful* You do? Well what is it then?

Andrews: It's very naughty, very dirty

Ismay: Right up your ally then isn't it Tom?

Andrews: Hell yes! Alright Moody. Now 'mewling' means whining, or weak crying like a kitten mewling. And quim means...

*Everybody leans in really close to hear what it means*

Andrews: Vagina. It is a British slang term for vagina.

Phillips: *Jumps up* I KNEW IT!

Smith: No you didn't, now sit your ass down boy!

Phillips: *Sits back down*

Cal: So wait a minute. You called me a whiny vagina? I am not one of those!

Smith: Yes you are

Cal: NO I AM NOT!

Smith: You are indeed!

Cal: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Lovejoy: Caledon do try not to throw a temper tantrum now, you'll give me indigestion.

Cal: I DON'T CARE!

Cindy: *Comes back* Well now everyone. Who's ready to eat?

Murdoch: We were ready to eat hours ago

Cindy: Yes well, here's your food... *Servants come down and place the food in the middle of the table*. Once you've finished eating, there's a television set up in the first class lounge, so you can go up there and watch your movies together

Andrews: How fun!

Ismay: *Whimpering* I want to go home...

Phillips: *Taking a sip of his drink* This drink, I like it

Murdoch: Yea, it's pretty good righ-

Phillips: I WANT ANOTHER! *Smashes the drink on the floor*

Moody: *Jumps up and runs out of the room screaming*

Andrews: *Begins shaking slightly* W... W... What... was that... for?

Phillips: That was delicious I want another

Wilde: Oh! Oh! I know this! You're being Thor!

Lovejoy: Thor?

Wilde: Yea, from that movie we watched the other day

Phillips: That movie has changed my life. I'm going to be like Thor!

Smith: You do not honestly believe you could become a God

Phillips: Well I'm dead, so technically I can't die anymore

Andrews: D... D... Didn't... Thor die?

Phillips: But he was still a mortal! When he became a God again he came back to life!

Lovejoy: I still do not believe you have the physical strength to be a God.

Phillips: I can too be a God

Ismay: Uh... guys?

Lovejoy: I'd like to see you try and defeat me

Phillips: I can take you down any day?

Lovejoy: Is that a challenge?

Ismay: Guys...

Phillips: What if it is?

Lovejoy: Then I'll have to inform you that you will regret it deeply

Ismay: HEY!

*Everybody turns and glares at him*

Ismay: *Trembling* U... Uh... Cal... Cal...

*All eyes fall on Cal, who is sitting in his chair polishing off the last of the turkey and gravy. He ate everything, there isn't even a scrap of cranberry sauce left*

Smith: *Slams his fists on the table angrily* GOD DAMN IT!

Cal: *Runs out of the room screaming and crying* MOooommy! Don't let him kill me!

Andrews: *Finally calmed down* I think perhaps it would be best if we just went and watched a film now

Wilde: I take it that we will be watching the sequel to Thor?

Murdoch: Is that the movie with the explosions on the cover? I thought that was Jaws

Wilde: Jaws? What on earth would give you that idea?

Murdoch: I don't know... I really don't.

_And so everybody who was left went to the lounge and watched the Avengers. Then at the end of the film they switched to Bambi, got into a large violent argument, Lovejoy beat Phillips and gave him 3 black eyes, and then they all went back to their rooms. Jack and Rose finally made it back to Heaven, however Cindy is waiting for Rose to relapse and come back. They are sure it will happen. Happy Thanksgiving!_

* * *

__**Happy Thanksgiving! I've actually come here to deliver a message I'm sure none of you will want to hear. It's about this fanfiction. You see, I'm starting to focus on my more serious fics now. War Horse and a Thor one I haven't even posted yet. I want to focus my time on those, and not just this. Do not fret though, I will post here at least one every other week starting in January. Why January? Here's the scoop.  
**

**I'm starting a series, my last hurah for Titanic really. It's going to be a Christmas fanfiction counting down to Christmas, based on Titanic. It will be updated EVERY SINGLE DAY. Obviously that's going to be a lot of work. So I ask you to be patient with this fic. When I'm doing that all other work will likely be at a complete standstill.  
**

**Thank you all so much for reading this and liking it so much! I didn't expect it to get so popular, especially since I really only wrote it because I was bored and needed something to occupy my time for a little while. Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming! THANK YOU!  
**


	7. Chapter 7

"Alright everyone, just calm yourselves down and I'll explain everything" Cindy explained. The patients were all gathered in the first class smoking room, some of them furious, some of them eying their surroundings curiously, and then there was Moody, who was sitting in the corner with his hands over his ears sobbing hysterically and blubbering about sudden change.

Yet, in all reality, nothing had really changed. The ship still looked the same, they all felt the same. Yet somehow, it felt as though more had been added to the ship. The wallpaper had more detail, the waters seemed calmer, and for some reason no one could explain, Cindy's golden hair practically glowed now when it hadn't before.

Captain Smith was the first to speak "I WANT A REFUND!" he shouted. Cindy put her hand to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose "Sir, you never paid to be here" she replies as calmly as possible. He stamps his foot, but before he can speak Ismay hesitantly says "I rather, like the change". Everyone in the room immediately turned to him, shouted at him to shut up, and then glowered at him until he he made a hasty retreat out the door and back to his stateroom.

With everyone feeling better after shunning Mr. Ismay, they returned to the task at hand. Which was explaining the change that had seemed to occur, yet hadn't. Mr. Andrews sat down, burying his face his his hands "I just don't understand it. I've checked the blueprints, and checked them. And yet there are no changes! Everything is exactly as it is according to my blueprints!" he says, beginning to tremble slightly as he feels a panic attack coming on "Perhaps, some evil spirit from hell came and did this?" he asked shakily "What if someone's out to get me? What if they're angry at me for some reason?".

Cindy sighed, placing a hand on Mr. Andrews' shoulder "Calm down Thomas, deep breaths. Nobody is angry with you, or out to get you" she told him. He looks up at her, sniffled, and then buried his face in his hands once more and fell silent. The entire room fell silent along with him, with the exception of Moody, who was soon escorted out by some of the staff.

That was three people out, Cindy looked up at the remaining patients. Jack Phillips was sitting calmly next to Officer Wilde, who seemed to be deep in thought about the task at hand. He studied the walls, he studied the floors, the tables, the chairs, everything in the room he stared at for at least a full minute. Officer Murdoch was similarly calm, yet he was on his feet and actually walking around, examining things closer. Neither man could figure out what had changed.

Lovejoy, who had been sitting quietly like Jack, eventually got fed up and left, leaving Cal to begin to throw a temper tantrum. "SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS!" he shouted, pounding his fist on the table. Even Cindy now was deep in thought, trying to decipher just what had changed on the ship. The walls were the same colors, weren't they? She approached them, squinting her eyes. Yes, they were! What else was in the room?

Suddenly her eyes fell on a napkin near where Mr. Ismay had once been sitting. That was the same, wasn't it? She squinted her eyes, approaching it and examining it closer. No it wasn't! The embroidery on it was usually violet, now it was lavender! They weren't the same color!

"I KNOW WHAT IS DIFFERENT!" she shouted suddenly, grabbing the napkin and holding it in the air like it was some sort of gold metal. The suddenness of her discover spooked Officer Wilde, who fell out of his chair and looked up at her indignantly, rubbing his backside. Officer Murdoch, Jack, and Cal all looked up at her attentively "Well, what's different?" Cal finally demanded.

Cindy pointed out the embroidery and their eyes all widened "AH! I KNEW IT!" Cal beamed, and everyone in the room could only roll their eyes in response. Officer Murdoch smiled "Well now that that's sorted out. Who'd like to have some tea and crumpets?" he asked. Jack smiled "I could go for some tea and crumpets" he said. And so everyone in the room went down to the Cafe Parisian to have tea and crumpets, totally satisfied at having found the one thing that was different.

* * *

**An update! Sooner than I promised, I know. But here's why I've posted this chapter out of the blue. **

**I've been getting a lot of reviews. Ok, maybe not a lot, but enough for me to start getting slightly frustrated. They were concerning the formatting of this story. Now I know that the rules say no script/chat type formatting. However, nobody has ever bothered to enforce the rule before. One of my favorite stories for Titanic is actually a story written out like it's a twitter feed!  
**

**Here's the rundown. This style seems to be very popular. Especially when it's just comedy. It's quick and easy to read. However, I leave it in your hands reviewers. Personally, I don't mind writing it either way (I write all my stories traditionally anyway). But if you liked it the way it was before, then tell me so. If you liked it this way, then cool beans. That works too.  
**

**Either way. Whatever you liked best. As always, thanks for reading! And don't forget to review ;)  
**


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